For the past year I have been smuggling substances into the country. I practice my nonchalant face in the mirror before I fly, coolly hand over my suitcase at check-in and try not to look nervous at the customs declaration point at Sabiha Gökçen. What would they do if they found out?

Sausage smuggling: no, it’s not a euphemism. What began as one little pack of bacon buried in my case on the return leg of a trip to the UK has turned into a full-fledged operation. Realising that bacon can actually be obtained here with not too much trouble if you know where to look, my bags now go out half empty and come back crammed with slices of spiced deli ham and herby sausages. My freezer is stocked with cling-film wrapped, one meal sized portions as I ration it out until the next pork mule/visiting family member arrives. Torn between wanting to share the glory of the British Banger and hoarding it all for myself, I very occasionally allow a special dinner guest one sausage or a slice of ham. Only one though.
 
I probably eat pork products more now that I live here than I ever did when they were freely available. Like anything forbidden or hard to get, it can become an obsession, so, now that I have been let into the secret of Turkey’s only pork (domuz) butcher, maybe I can start the recovery process by sharing the information.

Kozma Kozmaoğlu’s unnamed deli is hard to find even with directions. For 30 years it has hidden near Bilgi university’s Kasımpaşa campus, next to the shell petrol station. The shop clearly caters to foreigners, with its French mustard, Asian noodles, Swiss cheese and Lea & Perrin’s Worcestershire sauce, but the main draw, of course, is the prosciutto, salami, Hungarian sausage, frankfurters, boiled hams, pork chops, bacon, smoked bacon and pancetta. What makes the place such an Aladdin’s cave is that none of it (except the Parma ham) is imported.

Bred on farms in suburbs near Izmir and Antalya, the curly tailed animals are as rare in Turkey as snow leopards in Mongolia, and much tastier. Only two or three pig farms remain of the 26 there were a few years ago. It is not surprising that in a Muslim country there is not much call for pig rearing, as consuming the meat is expressly forbidden by the Koran, and it is almost unanimously considered to be parasite ridden, filthy and associated with low morality.

The urban myth that diet coke poured on a raw pork steak will bring the worms inside crawling to the surface strikes as fearful a blow to the drink as to the meat. Or it would if it were true. Loathe to part with a piece of my precious hog flesh, I refrained from replicating the experiment but, even if it were true, no-one advocates eating raw pork anyway. Thanks to progress in hygiene and disease control in swine, parasites like trichinosis are no longer the threat they must have been in Biblical times.  As long as it is exposed to hot enough temperatures (160 °F) and cooked all the way through, pork is as safe as any other meat. Newly founded religions would have to ban beef and chicken after Mad Cow disease and Salmonella if they were concocting similar food commandments today. 

The logical arguments for pork’s inclusion in a diet fall on deaf ears when a person believes the animal to be as repellent as most people probably find rats. Pigs are believed by some to be dirty animals that eat their own excreta. Mr. Kozmaoğlu, dismisses this theory as false, although, he says, chickens do dine at home. Pigs as scavengers will eat anything if forced to, as will goats, but properly fed livestock in clean conditions go for the same “Hmmm, waste for lunch?” choice that humans would. Ultimately, though, the disgust instinct is triggered early in life and a deep belief in the vileness of an animal is not easily overcome. If a butcher were to present me with the highest grade of cured rodent, it is unlikely I would find myself reaching for the mustard and tucking in.
Anti-pork propagandists point to the pig’s shamelessness and wife swapping as another reason to abstain from ham with your eggs. Apparently, pigs show no jealousy and pass their mate around to their friends, probably so they can chow down on sewage in peace. Countries that consume pork also happen to be those with high teenage birth rates, single mothers, sexual licentiousness and promiscuity. Someone obviously needs to explain anthropomorphism and the difference between cause and effect. That said, who is willing to argue that jealousy is the noblest of human emotions?
Asked what positive character traits he has observed in his pigs, Mr. Kozmaoğlu points to their friendliness. Opting not to dwell on this as I pick out my ham and salivate over the almost English-esque sausages secreted in the back fridge, I prefer to think of the pig as generous, and whisper a heartfelt “thank you.” 
Kozma Kozmaoğlu
Dereboyu Caddesi
Katermli Sok. No 6/8
Y. Şehir/ Beyoğlu
0212 235 7865
Open daily, except Sundays


Boxes

TOİST: Have you ever eaten pork?
Informed:Ne?
TOİST: Pig meat.
Informed: Ugh! No!
TOİST: Would you eat it?
Informed: Disgusting! No, never!
TOİST: Why not?
Informed: I am Muslim.
TOİST:Yes, but why wouldn’t you eat pork?
Informed: It eats its own dirt.
TOİST: How do you know that?
Informed: I read it somewhere


TOİST: Have you ever eaten pork?
Experienced: Yes, in England at Christmas.
TOİST: How was it?
Experienced: It was OK but I felt bad when I ate it.
TOİST: Bad how?
Experienced: Bad reputation, dirty. I couldn’t enjoy it because of its reputation.

TOİST: Have you ever eaten pork?
Free-thinker: No, it’s a dirty animal; it eats its own shit.
TOİST: Actually that’s not true, people just have the wrong information. 
Free-thinker: I can read your article and it will be the so-called true information, but nothing changes my mind about eating it.
TOİST: That’s very open-minded of you.
Free-thinker: I am always open-minded.